Just In Reach

I have 8 days of my sophomore year left. Three of those are half days reserved for finals. But I’m probably more stressed than I’ve been all school year.

I’ve got a debate to do (in addition to a looming essay that will be due at the end of the year, in like, the last two days of school), and I just finished two tests. Not only that, I’ve got all those finals to prepare for. I’m trying to find time to retrain my previously strained ankle before I go to Austria so that, when I come back and play soccer, I won’t die.

Oh yeah, and then I’m going to Austria. So much preparation. Presents for hosts, money, debit cards, packing, relearning german, preparing a powerpoint for the German students (oh dear…that should be fun). These are just a few things on my mind, in addition to all the stuff for school I’m trying to do.

But, for some inexplicable reason, I’ve been really happy lately. I just really have no clue why. My conversations with friends and family just seem so happy. Everytime I even spend a drive with my mom or a Facebook conversation with my friends (usually complaining about all the schoolwork we still have) I just feel happy. Fuzzy and warm for no reason.

It could be due to all the planning I’ve been doing with my friends. Not just for Austria, but with my friends back here. We’ve been planning things we want to do this summer and the next (haha, can’t help laughing to myself here).

I’ve been looking at colleges. I started this blog and have so many blog ideas and things I want to write about and do with this blog, I just hope I actually have the time to do it all. I’ve been picking my classes for next year and got information for the 2012 soccer season. I’ve been working hard towards all these intense projects (coming up with some pieces I’m particularly proud of) and, most importantly, working towards my Austrian trip.

Maybe it’s just because it’s almost summer. Usually at the end of the year, it doesn’t feel like the school year is going to end, but this year, I can feel the end coming (maybe it’s all those plans that I want to become reality-quickly!). Sometimes I feel like I can reach out and touch summer and I start thinking about Austria and the pool and the beach and friends. Sleeping in and soccer. Writing, writing, and more writing because I’ll actually have the time. Warmth and happiness.

But then the reality of school and preparations come back, and I look ahead to the few short weeks between me and freedom with complete dread, knowing I can’t lose my focus. These weeks are just going to drag by, I know it. It’s like summer is laughing at me, and I try to grab onto it but it’s impossible, because all I’m grabbing at is air. Summer is only a couple of feet ahead of me but still out of reach.

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