Evolving Song Meanings

Does this happen to anyone else? Songs start off having one meaning but then life happens and they take on a whole new meaning for you.

Music has always been a powerful influence in my life, and usually each song I listen to has some kind of special meaning. It reminds me of a situation I was in, or someone I liked or hated, or a portion of my life that has passed.

Usually this meaning stays with me for a long time. For example, about a year ago I did a lot more Fanfiction writing (well Fanfiction imagining, I didn’t write a lot of my stories down) for a variety of canon stories ranging from Big Time Rush to Star Wars. I can listen to a song I associated with a certain pairing or plot line and it instantly takes me back to that story.

Another example is of songs I heard while in Austria. Whenever I hear them now, I think of Austria, maybe even where I heard them for the first time or what was going on during the song.

One of these songs was “Distance”. I sort of hope no one I know is reading this right now haha. But I liked someone on the trip with a girlfriend, and I had heard this song on Lufthansa coming to Austria. When I first heard it, I didn’t associate it with him, but then one day I just started singing it while taking a bike tour and saw him and it all connected. It was pretty weird actually. From then on, that song was pinned to him, and stood for wanting someone you couldn’t have.

Now, this song has taken on an entirely new meaning. It stands for a situation in which you do have the person you desired-probably in a relationship with them. However, things aren’t rock solid. There are so many feels and uncertainties-life in general-that it’s hard to commit to love, and truly believe you are in love. You know that it could all end with becoming strangers again, and this possible reality overshadows the relationship.

Sometimes this shadow isn’t bad-it keeps you both on the ground and not influenced by rash emotions and teenage hormones.

Sometimes it requires someone to keep their distance. To be stuck ahead of the other or not entirely sure of their partner’s (or their own) feelings. To be on different wavelengths-one waiting for the other to make a move, the other holding back because they don’t want to destroy what they have. To fear letting the other person see what you feel, and to be hesitant to truly give yourself-and your heart-to the other person for fear of being broken.  But at the same time, almost breaking on the inside.

To call it anything but love.

Make sure to keep my distance. To say I love you when you’re not listening.

How long can we keep this up? How long until we call this love?

And when words fail me, I revert to music.

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