Sorry about my long hiatus. I went on vacation with my best fwiend for the first week of August, and had a total blast. Literally, I did not have to deal with any of the issues I’ve been struggling with lately and felt completely content, except for one unfortunate night (though I was able to recover quickly).
However, I came back on the 10th, so why haven’t I posted since then, almost a week later? Well, everyone knows that coming back from vacation pretty much sucks. Mix that in with a ton of stress, such as not realizing you have preseason this week and not remembering to tell your boss about it, in addition to emotions that have been bouncing around for who knows how long…so yeah, it sucked.
I have a regular pattern of highs and lows, but this was my lowest low ever. I completely wanted to stop time, stop everything, and just fade away. Or die. I will not withhold that suicide crossed my mind more than I’d like to say. I missed two days of work, and instead of just telling my mom, I pretended to go to work and would drive around for an hour or so until she left for work.
I’ve had some rocky relationship issues recently too, with my family and my boyfriend (details purposefully eclipsed here). However, I’ve gotten the chance to open up again to my best friends, which is helping me. And, though I thought soccer would stress me too much (and at times it does) I usually come home from practice in a fantastic mood.
I’ve come to realize just how much of my summer I’ve wasted feeling angry and depressed. I really don’t want that to become a norm for me.
I’ll hopefully be getting back to a regular schedule of posting blogs, though it will definitely be more difficult with soccer going into Hell Week-which means double sessions every other day-and school starting within a few weeks. I’ll be a senior =D