I suppose making a list of goals for September will help me accomplish them? I think that’s the general consensus. I don’t know if I have more than one goal, I actually only have one in mind at the moment haha.
One of my major goals is to just be happy. I’ve apparently been having a lot of issues with this lately. These issues have become so serious that my mom and I made a doctor’s appointment to see if I should be referred to a specialist or something. This will be occurring on September 10th, but until then I’ve got to try to rely on my own will and the help of my friends and family.
Sometimes I get that feeling where I’m like “should I even be doing this? Are my issues really that bad?”. But if the issues aren’t bad but they are making me feel this terrible, I think that means more than if the issues were serious.
I just hate that now I’ve told my mom about my issues with everything, that I essentially think I’m depressed and want help, she’s treating me differently. Of course, that’s expected, but there are two major changes in her behavior that are irking me.
First, she’s been watching me more carefully and checking up on me. When I feel fine, this just gets annoying. But even when I’m sad and (at least I think) I’m obviously not in an okay mood, she just asks if I’m okay and if I say I am, she goes away without any further concern. And I’m just like “….uh….okay….”.
Second, she’s been nicer to me. I guess I shouldn’t complain too much about it, but I feel like she’s giving me special treatment that I do not deserve, need or want.
So yeah, I can’t wait to go to the doctor. I bet if I told myself before today I’d be happy to go to a doctor I’d have laughed.
Other than that…pretty much if I’m happy, everything else falls into place. It sounds weird to say, but it’s true. As long as I’m in an average or better mood, I can focus on what I need to do to accomplish everything else. What’s been happening lately is that I’ve gotten into these moods and just bummed around. When I come out of these moods, I get angry and stressed and sometimes get sad again because I realize how I’m wasting my life being sad and procrastinating so issues that were tiny become big problems that I now need to tackle.
I do need to start eating healthy. That’s goal number 2. I’m in this state of mind where, because I suck so much at soccer compared to the other Varsity girls, I’ve started to let myself slip. I think that because I’m not good, I’m not going to get better and win a spot so why should I try to eat healthy and make that extra effort?
That’s something I need to change too. Here’s to a great month and an even better start to the school year. I have said it before, but I’ll say it again, because I’m excited for school to start: I’m going to be a senior!
And wow I just found this quote, which is great because it’s Albert Camus, you existentialist you.
“All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning. Great works are often born on a street corner or in a restaurant’s revolving door” (Albert Camus).