Then…it hit me

Guys, it’s my senior year!

Notwithstanding how obvious this fact may seem, for the past two months, the severity of what senior year means had not sunk in until yesterday morning.

I woke up around 5am because my mom was yelling upstairs and talking to my sister and I as if we were awake , and I could not fall back asleep. My thoughts began to tumble and twirl, as they normally do whenever one gets a short period of free time to do nothing but think, and my consciousness finally rested on our final soccer meeting of the season that afternoon. We would turn in all of our equipment, vote for some end-of-year awards to be presented at the banquet in December, and the underclassmen would vote for Varsity captains next year and get a packet for off-season workouts.

I began to think about how my last year of high school soccer is truly over, except for this meeting and the aforementioned banquet. I had not previously dwelled on this fact, being too overwhelmed with my struggles to feel competent and like a part of the team, so this revelation was equivalent to a bittersweet slap on the face.

My mind then switched to remind myself that this is my last year in high school period. After this year, I will not live in my house apart for breaks, and will not see my family as often. My high school friends will not surround me 24/7, and the semi-friends and acquaintances in my life will (probably) utterly dissipate. I won’t take any more high school classes, I won’t play high school soccer, and I’ll be living in a completely new place. I’ll make new friends and be introduced to new things. I’ll be taking higher level classes and will be given more choice than ever in which courses I’ll have. I’ll have to start blazing a path for myself in the real world.  It’s such a crazy thought!

Again, it was one of those bittersweet moments. I will absolutely, truly miss this part of my life. Moving on to new things, and letting go of the old, is…pretty scary. However, I refuse to depress myself more because time is passing by so quickly, and I have limited time in high school left. I can only make the next few months the best I can possibly make them, because life is relentless and will not stop. Additionally, college is (supposed to be) awesome, and I am equally excited to pursue higher education and essentially build a new life, hopefully bettering myself in the process.

Lately my depression and anxiety has been hindering my ability to live up my last year as a high school student, but after this mini epiphany, I am determined to enjoy this last year.

As far as my college applications go, I’ve actually managed to squeeze some time in to work on the remaining parts, and now I should have more time to complete them without soccer six days a week. I finally chose the topic for my college essay too. I will be discussing my experience with the New Jersey Scholars program, when, during a group interview, I was humiliated by a Harvard graduate/Princeton professor. I mean, I think that’s pretty unique.

Also, I’m visiting Arcadia University tomorrow! It should be pretty fun-my Aunt went there when it was Beaver college, and she’s going with us, so that should be pretty cute.

Stay tuned-soon I’m going to need people’s opinions on a very important survey!

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