A Fresh Start

I would like to thank all my followers, even those who have glanced at my blog once then never looked again, just because you took the time. As I begin college, I’ve decided that a fresh start deserves a new blog. 

Therefore, I will no long be posting to this site, and will instead  use this URL: http://anothercollegeblog3.wordpress.com

Please follow this blog to continue to hear from me! One of my goals is to blog regularly, and with my college schedule I have figured I can manage three blog posts a week on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday/Sunday. 

What going away to college REALLY means (AKA I move in on Saturday, so that’s a thing)

Super Average.

If you’re like me and are going to college for the first time, you’ve probably been waiting for this day for a while. You either are on-the-edge-of-your-seat-mouth-drooling-ready-to-run waiting or you’re cuddled-in-bed-hugging-your-mom-don’t-want-to-leave waiting. Or you’re a combination of both. This is a big transition for all of us; just when we thought all of the tears of graduation and leaving high school and the end of our childhoods were over, suddenly we are leaving most of the stuff we’ve known since we were young behind, and that really sucks. If you’re moving away, you won’t sleep in your bed for more than a month at least, you won’t get to hug some of your best friends for a long time, and you won’t have a home cooked meal in what will seem like eternities. We are watching all of our friends leave and grow up into adults but we still all relate to…

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On Suicide

A Soul's Walk

I was at work
And someone told me
And I was too stunned to react.

But then I woke up today
And I couldn’t stop the tears
Because he was dead.

I didn’t even know
That he had meant so much to me
Until this moment…

Typing at this computer.

Christians have been murdered
In Syria and Iraq
Just recently, maybe even yesterday as he was dying.

And I feel that he specifically
Would not fault me
For bringing that up in this context.

He seemed to love inappropriate
and a good lack of segue
And mixing truth with all of that.

And he made me laugh.

I don’t think I can fault him
For going so soon
This whole life thing is awful, after all.

But I do feel
a great sadness
and I don’t know that I can really write what I want to about this.

I hope…

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Waking Up Happy

It was really refreshing to wake up this morning unreasonably happy; no thoughts about anything in particular, except trying to remember the dreams I had last night. I walked over to turn my air conditioner off, and when I got to the window to turn the dial to the “Off” position, I wondered why I was so happy. It wasn’t even the kind of happy you experience on your best day with friends, or the jubilant relief that accompanies realizing a gnawing worry is resolved. It was, in the only way I can think to describe it, ignorant bliss (Clichés-1, Wiggygirl-0). I wasn’t sure why I was happy, but I was obviously enjoying it. Honestly, I have not felt that happy in weeks or months. Months. That’s a long time to not experience an emotion, let alone a fantastic one. This realization made me wonder how long it would be until I felt this strange elation again. After a few weeks of believing my depression was actually going away, I was hit by an especially depressive mood at the beginning of this week; unfortunately, I have to wonder if I brought it on myself. I had been sick after coming home from vacation at the beach, and through a mixture of not really wanting to go to work and guilt of probably spreading germs to my coworkers, I coerced myself to take Monday off. I texted my boss that morning and he told me it was fine if I didn’t come into work, and to inform him when I would be able to come back in (have I mentioned my boss is really chill?). Monday was spent sleeping a lot, browsing a variety of sites on my computer, maybe a little reading….nothing too productive, because I was attempting to relax and “get better”. However, as the day progressed and I knew I would have to go back to work the next day, I started feeling unmotivated, though not quite depressed yet. Since my boss hadn’t said “see you tomorrow”, rather telling me to contact him when I was feeling better, why shouldn’t I take another day off? Though I told myself I would see how I felt in the morning, I knew in the back of my mind my decision had already been made. Not wanting to tell my mom I was taking another day off, I decided I would wake up normal time and pretend I was going to work. I drove to the park behind my house to chill and listen to music/my anxiety tape while I waited for all my coworkers and mother to get off the roads. Then, I spent three hours driving around South Jersey with no actual destination in mind. I love driving, but this wasn’t supposed to be a leisurely escapade through main streets and lonely roads. This was foreshadowing for the lowest low I’ve felt in awhile. Flashback to last summer, when my depression went along unnoticed and untreated. I was so afraid and anxious to tell my boss that once soccer started I would not be able to work, I decided I simply would not, and instead texted him two days in a row saying I would not be coming to work that day. No explanations or excuses; I just would not be working, and in my last text I told him I would not come in again because soccer would be starting. Minus the vague text messages, I did the same thing I did this past Tuesday; I pretended to go to work but instead drove around aimlessly. When I told my best friend about what had occurred, she completely brushed it off. She didn’t get it. This was what I did when I was very depressed. I know now after talking to her she was trying to help by distracting me and discussing other topics, but I had to tell her this was not how to help me. I don’t know about other people, but when I am really depressed or upset about something, I don’t want people to distract me immediately. I don’t even necessarily want advice. What I really need and covet is sympathy and someone who will tell me it’s okay that I’m upset. I really would like someone who will ask questions; this will either show they are interested in what’s going on or it will help me look at the issue and work through it. After a similar conversation with my ex/guy friend, my depression became severe, and I’ve unfortunately spent the past few days feeling alone and melancholy. I barely talked to my friends and spent a lot of time inside my room, traversing the dark regions of Tumblr and listening to music that makes me sad. I excessively and genuinely cried for the first time in awhile. Luckily I conversed with my friends and therapist about this issue and, after this wonderful morning, am starting to feel sort of normal again. Though I know this intense change of mood is fleeting, I have some sense of hope for future happiness.

#StopTheBeautyMadness Is A Call to Action: “Enough With the Impossible Standards!”

HyperReality

Many refuse to believe that we have an issue with body image, and many refuse to acknowledge the impact that mass media, including advertisements, television, film, music, etc., have on our perception of beauty; they claim “freewill!” and say that we have control over our own self-perceptions. To an extent, I agree, but for the most part, I disagree. Our perceptions of “self” are wrapped up in what we’ve learned throughout however long we’ve been alive, whether that’s from family members or other important people in our lives. But answer this: where do we think our parents learned about what’s acceptable? Society. Culture. Pop culture. Media. And media has also damaged how we view others.

It’s time to take that back. 

A new ad campaign has emerged and it’s provocative, controversial, and exactly the [large] dose of reality that we as a culture need so desperately. That’s where the brilliant #StopTheBeautyMadness comes…

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#AskThicke Proves That Glorifying Rape Really Isn’t Cool, Score 1 For Human Decency

HyperReality

2013’s Song of the Summer was the mostly unexpected, hugely inappropriate “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke, a song that both raced to the top of the charts, despite Thicke not having a hit since 2006’s “Lost Without You,” and glorified rape and promoted rape culture at the same time.

ib0oppZDtsLmiv

Don’t believe me? Check out the lyrics:

OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you
But you’re an animal, baby, it’s in your nature
Just let me liberate you
Hey, hey, hey
You don’t need no papers
Hey, hey, hey
That man is not your maker

And that’s why I’m gon’ take a good girl
I know you want it
I know you want it
I know you want it
You’re a good girl
Can’t let it get past me
You’re far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it

As if…

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