To Science Or Not To Science

The ever-closer prospect of college has caused me to reevaluate my life decisions and goals, which also includes my projected major and profession. I’ve been told it’s silly for anyone to expect an 18-year old to know what they want to do in their adult life. I’ve also been told I need to think about these things so I have some sort of direction and don’t ignore the future, which I have a tendency to do because I am incredibly nostalgic and hate the idea of growing up.

Going into the college search, I was certain I wanted to pursue biology with a concentration in molecular genetics. AP Biology was my favorite class in high school, and it’s interesting and cool. Science jokes, pick up lines, and puns make me excessively happy. However, I received my AP Chemistry score back today and received a 1. I remember the day of the exam I was really depressed and essentially gave up when I reached the open ended section, but…really? The lowest score possible?

Other things have also caused me to question my decision to enter the science field. My second favorite class in high school was AP English, in which I excelled notwithstanding it being considered one of, if not the most, difficult AP class in our school. I graduated with the highest overall grade average in English for my entire grade. My AP English Literature and Composition score was a 5. My ex once told me he knew I was good at science but never really knew that it interested or captivated me as much as, for example, English literature.

But was this last statement an accurate description of my feelings or a sign that, perhaps, he didn’t get me as much as I thought he did? Or is it neither, and simply a reflection that, though I love science, it’s not something I excessively fan girl over?

I have difficulty with self-esteem, and not feeling good enough often plagues me when it comes to the sciences. I’m terrified to begin my biology and chemistry courses in college for fear of being behind in my studies. However, what could I do with an English major that I would enjoy? I don’t want to be a teacher, and pretty sure I wouldn’t want to be a college professor. I don’t want some business job, unless it’s for something I’m actually interested in. Perhaps an editor or writer of some sort? But journalism has never intrigued me.

Furthermore, why should I let anyone else get in the way of what I want? If I want to be a biologist, even if I’m better at something else, who’s stopping me?

But what do I really want? That is the question.

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I’m Such A Bio Nerd-MOM Day 17

https://www.23andme.com/

This is what I want for Christmas. I want my DNA tested.

I got the idea from my AP Biology teacher, who also got her DNA tested, though it was for medical purposes because of the chance of genetic disease in her family or something. She told us about it before, and today she got the program to work on the diabolically slow computer in our classroom.

I find it funny how much we are alike. We’re both very interested in genetics-she even wanted to be a genetic counselor for awhile, and that’s one of the career choices I was considering (if being a molecular geneticist or writer doesn’t work out. Also considering forensics). We both love history and somewhat the same sense of humor. She met her African husband in high school, and dated him even though he was a “loser” and an “idiot”.

When she called him that one day during class, my boyfriend face palmed into his desk because I had just called him that. A lot of the stories she tells about her and her husband are vaguely familiar because it sounds like me and my boyfriend’s relationship. They also broke up (twice) and got back together, which happened to me and my boyfriend.

I’m very excited for next year because I’ll be taking one of her classes-Biotech and Forensics. I’m also hoping to take AP Chem, AP English, Calculus, and German IV. I will want to jump off a cliff if any of these classes conflict and I have to choose between them, which happened last year with AP World History, AP Biology and German IV (I ended up not taking German).

Today was a pretty happy day (except for that 95 I got on a presentation in pop culture, which is an unweighted class that I had a 100 in so now it’s gonna go down), so I’m going to end with a quote about happiness.

“Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn’t know you left open” (John Barrymore).  

For example, at first I wasn’t going to take AP Biology until my guidance counselor guilted me into it. It became a place where I could hang out with my boyfriend and other friends. It became my favorite class (next to English) and guided me in finding a direction for college and career.