To Science Or Not To Science

The ever-closer prospect of college has caused me to reevaluate my life decisions and goals, which also includes my projected major and profession. I’ve been told it’s silly for anyone to expect an 18-year old to know what they want to do in their adult life. I’ve also been told I need to think about these things so I have some sort of direction and don’t ignore the future, which I have a tendency to do because I am incredibly nostalgic and hate the idea of growing up.

Going into the college search, I was certain I wanted to pursue biology with a concentration in molecular genetics. AP Biology was my favorite class in high school, and it’s interesting and cool. Science jokes, pick up lines, and puns make me excessively happy. However, I received my AP Chemistry score back today and received a 1. I remember the day of the exam I was really depressed and essentially gave up when I reached the open ended section, but…really? The lowest score possible?

Other things have also caused me to question my decision to enter the science field. My second favorite class in high school was AP English, in which I excelled notwithstanding it being considered one of, if not the most, difficult AP class in our school. I graduated with the highest overall grade average in English for my entire grade. My AP English Literature and Composition score was a 5. My ex once told me he knew I was good at science but never really knew that it interested or captivated me as much as, for example, English literature.

But was this last statement an accurate description of my feelings or a sign that, perhaps, he didn’t get me as much as I thought he did? Or is it neither, and simply a reflection that, though I love science, it’s not something I excessively fan girl over?

I have difficulty with self-esteem, and not feeling good enough often plagues me when it comes to the sciences. I’m terrified to begin my biology and chemistry courses in college for fear of being behind in my studies. However, what could I do with an English major that I would enjoy? I don’t want to be a teacher, and pretty sure I wouldn’t want to be a college professor. I don’t want some business job, unless it’s for something I’m actually interested in. Perhaps an editor or writer of some sort? But journalism has never intrigued me.

Furthermore, why should I let anyone else get in the way of what I want? If I want to be a biologist, even if I’m better at something else, who’s stopping me?

But what do I really want? That is the question.


July 12th 2013

“Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway, where everything’s made up and the points don’t matter. That’s right, the points are just like Friday afternoons at work” (Drew Carey). 

This was pretty much me today.

I was very excited because I signed up for a campus tour and information session in Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, which is probably my number one choice right now. My dad keeps telling me how great TCNJ and BCC are, trying to coerce me into being both local and cheap.

Yesterday I went to a college information session about the University of Chicago, which I was also considering for sciences. It was at Princeton Library, and the neighborhood was just so gosh darn cute I’m thinking about looking into Princeton too (assuming I could get in, I probably wouldn’t) if I decide to major in an English related major. When I mentioned this to my mom and dad they both said I would have to commute because I can’t afford Princeton for four years.

Am I the only one who really really really wants to live on campus despite the costs? Not just because I want to get away (I want to be generally close to my family when I go to college) but because I want to be able to be more involved in the college events and activities.

I’m hoping that the coming year will further help me decide the direction of my life as far as college and majors are concerned. Last year, taking AP World History and my complete failure at procuring a spot in the NJ Scholars program revealed that I didn’t really care too much for the social sciences or history. I was able to get a group interview for the Scholars program, but then they started asking about austerity and the economy.

And I was just like…uh….

You don’t realize how terrible it was. I don’t even wanna share the stupid things I said, but at one point I literally told them “I don’t know”. Because I truly didn’t! And everyone else was just throwing in economic terms and making arguments and actually knew something about the economic state of the nation. After about five minutes I knew I wasn’t getting in (and I was right).

But my friends have told me that only one other student (majoring in English) has survived AP English and still enjoyed English class. If it ruins in for me, I know I should delve into the sciences. Otherwise, I may seriously consider a career in writing.

The Stranger Update (perhaps some spoilers, I’m not really sure)

I’ve been bringing the book to work with me, and have only gotten to page 16. Have I ever mentioned I’m a slow reader? Right now I’m still reading about the funeral procession. The whole thing seems a little shady to me, but that could just be because the back of the book said Meursault gets involved in a murder (accidentally) and I’m waiting for it.

I think my slow pace has to do with the writing style. The short sentences and quick nature of the book slightly boggles me, and I keep finding myself going back to re-read sentences because I feel like I’ve missed something. So far I haven’t seen anything having to do with existentialism. Meursault is very curt and I haven’t really figured him out yet.